Roadside blues

There's a new statue in town. First I'd heard of it, some woman was complaining over the phone at me.

"It's... it's indecent!" Such was the proclamation of a woman that I know and isn't usually reactionary. But I don't know how her tastes run and what the heck it is that she's really complaining about, so naturally I had to go check out the nude statue.

Yeah. She claimed that the nudity was offensive. Since I don't find "David" offensive, nor many of the other classical or neoclassical nude statues, I decided that I wouldn't take anyone's word on it. No, I'd have to go look at naked women. Such is my lot.

The statue represents unclad people: 2 female; 1 male, in a state of jubilation. The man and one woman are forming a "V," while the 2nd woman is held horizontally above them.

You might ask, "couldn't the artist present this same message another way?" Well, yes. But 1) It's not the point, and 2) The artist felt that this was the best way to deliver his message. It's a feelgood piece. Really. It's not quite spiritual, but close. The people are not embracing, kissing, nor involved in any other "lewd" act that might be considered even remotely sexual. People will not feel awkward (at least, they shouldn't) about answering the "what is that man doing with those women" questions.

The question: "Are nude statues offensive to the public?"

We'll skip artists' intent, as that can't be determined. The only thing we can gauge is audience response. 40 people showed up to discuss this statue (there's another protest next Thursday. Yours truly is now considering going to oppose, mostly due to the Mrs. backing up people opposed to the statue.)

People are not forced to drive in that area, which runs in the middle of nowhere. The statue is adjacent to a development that will probably have people in it soon, but they know what they're in for.

Honestly, being offended by the statue is like being offended by the presence of an overturned bowl. Worse, by removing the statue from it's position you deprive that area of the beauty and joy that the statue provides.

And, yes, I feel pretty strongly about this. So much so that I was prepared to counter-protest until I found out that the body that is protesting also ran around placing shirts on all the other nudes in the area. Grackle has a ton of statues, some in varying states of disrobedness. Also, their antics haven't amounted to any policy change as of yet. I'm still thinking of dropping by the city hall to give them a quick "thumbs up" on the statue, but it stays put regardless of what I do.

Now, before you start asking yourself if any statue of naked people could offend me, let me state that it is possible. Anyone that I consider an "artist" would be hard pressed to do so and keep self-respect, but it can be done. The work has to be obscene and not something that I'd show my kids.

That's another thing... this statue is in a roundabout, in a location that is difficult to get up close to without endangering yourself. You have to really want to inspect it. And cross traffic. What little there is.

I'm out.

No appreciation

I have sons, and the oldest is in the early stages of puberty (probably. Frankly, it's hard to tell if it's that or some of his other issues effecting his behavior). The other day he was sitting at the kitchen table and asked me, bluntly, how he would know when he was pubessing.

"Well," I responded, "you're voice will change unexpectedly. You'll probably develop a stronger interest in girls, though you'll deny it at first (get outta that one), and you'll grow hair in the dangdest places... like your palms."

His response? "Yeah! I think I see some!"

No applause, just throw money.

Go 'Bows!

I was thinking the other day, as I looked at yet another ribbon supporting some cause or another, that there should be some sort of multi-purpose ribbon. Something representative of a unified diversity.

What could possibly fit this better than the rainbow?

Of course, it struck me quickly that the ribbon of color often is used by homosexuals as a group.

Which is a damn shame. No single entity should have it. I realize that you can be black, white, asian, martian, whatever, and be homosexual, but once you identify yourself as a minority, as a classification, you've set yourself apart. Hence, no rainbow.

Purple triangles are rightly out for this body of people, but history of the group should dictate its symbol. I'll leave it to them.

It's interesting that "gay" is one of the terms that folk in the gay community at my campus don't want applied to homosexuals. I don't understand why, but I'd recommend ditching the rainbow yet again. If a friggin' rainbow doesn't say "gay" I don't know what does.

Maybe they could choose something manly... guns, missiles... I dunno.

So, upon further reflection I considered these options for my universal ribbon:
Brown (swirled together paints): I think this one is taken by colostomy patients, so I'll pass.

Prism: Perfect. That's right. I want reflective, multi-surfaced distractions on every bumper. Especially during the weekend while I'm safe at home.

Driving you...

You may not of heard of the plethora of bananas that we've recently acquired, but by now you are darned-tootin' familiar with the awesome machine of thresh that now occupies my kitchen.

"...and what," you might ask, "are you leading up to?"

Oh, gentle, timid reader. I assure you that we have been up to the most ghastly of activities within the dark realm of yon kitchen. Were this to be an old EC Comic you'd be warned away from the following descriptions, as they are not for the faint of heart.

Still here?

Oh, well... we've made mountains of banana bread. I've received requests for some with raisins in, but so far we've only done wheat and white flour bread. I'm aching to go back to white bread, which I'll sift next time (btw, does anyone know how to clean wheat chaff outta a sifter?), but we still have 2 quarts of banana mush, which equals 8 loaves.

Eight.

We started with over a gallon of the stuff, after our first round of banana bread. Truly a spectacle to behold.

So, currently we're stuffed to the gills with it and giving it away in hopes that it won't be wasted.

[ahem]

So, if you'd like some, please, by all means, let us know.

(Oh, and I haven't mastered high altitude baking yet, so it's more dense then I'd like, but still quite tasty.)

Travesty of a mockery of a sham...

This is a plain shame.

I mean, when I first saw it... I was enraptured. Dude. Science and cooking in one neat little package. My type of geekery.

Then I started looking at the spices and the price. For about $150 I'm looking at a test tube rack that doesn't cater to my needs. It's general. All-purpose.

Why would I do that? As a science geek I'm looking for specific efficiency. I'll keep the allspice in my cupboard, because I never use it. I don't recall the last time I saw anyone use whole peppercorns. I think they've got ground monkey butt (tarragon, which reminded me of tamarinds, for some reason) in there as well, which just doesn't float my boat.

So, yeah, I'd like a test tube rack, some test tubes (glass with stoppers), and maybe some spices to go in, but for that price I better get to choose.

Highway to...

So, I drove down to Hades to draw Persephone... no... wrong mythos. Aw, heck.

Went to the darkest pit today to pluck the poor soul that is my oldest from the fiery domain of Satan.

Yeah. I looked at Satan and thought, "you know, she does sort of complement me in that "mirror darkly" sort of way."

For instance, I'm sane, and she's psychotic.

Let us consider the whole sexual molestation thing that we hear about from time to time.

Nick, the boy who poked and proded my oldest in all manner of unseemly ways, wrote out his confession of all that. Most of which I didn't know about until reading it to find out whether or not the oldest should read it. I went ahead and figured that he needed to know the depth of betrayal he'd suffered. Surely, if he knew what was going on, since he had the decision of whether to see Nick again ever, he would never see the demon-spawn again.

Seriously. I can't tell you how utterly pissed off I was reading it. It was like someone had taken pictures of my non-existant daughter and photoshopped her having sex with farm animals. And posted them on the internet and every tree within 40 miles. And then suing me for getting a papercut in the process. Including the lawyer fees.

Only that would have to all happen within an hour.

Old wounds opened up, new ones were cut, and there were liberal splashes of lemon juice and sprinklings of salt.

I get to see her today, and one of the first things I notice is that she's bounced back to her usual pear-shaped appearance. She does look less harsh that way, until she moves or talks or pretty much does anything. Then it's like looking at sewage that has somehow donned human skin. Without the potential fluidity thatBut sewage has.

We part ways after I grab the belongings of the oldest, and we (the oldest and I) head down the road. Various "what've you been doing this summer"s later I bring up the message that I've been holding on to so's he can read it. I'm figuring he will read it, figure out how deep this stuff was, vomit, and swear never to see this clown again.

But Satan wants them to be a family.

"Oh, I've heard it."
Bloody hell.
"and the interview was conducted."
Lalalalalalalalala
"and now Nick can come over whenever he wants!"
God %^&$ Jes-uit cracker bas-kets.
(for the record, that's actually what I thought)

I made it clear that Ultraboy can still turn back from ever seeing someone who was that treasonous to him. There was no reason to treat him better than a "friend" who was trying to sell him drugs, or get him to steal, or any other number of wrong things.

"But he's family."

I cannot tell you how this one twists me. I have a strong sense of responsibility and duty to my family. My family is everything to me. My wife, not initially bound to me by blood (now, since we have kids and all, it's a bit different) is a deeply important part of my family. Priorities: Kids, wife, self, brothers, parents. Some of those people I consider family are not bound to me by blood. Some people bound to me by blood have betrayed their duties as family and have passed beyond.

And then there's this weasel who has bassed beyond and never friggin' was family by blood. If I still lived in the southland I know some people who would make all of these problems disappear. Unfortunately those people are about as intolerant as you get, so I don't associate with them anymore. And they're down in Dixie, where I don't live.

Where was I? Oh, yes... Australia.

I have every parent-sense blaring that, if ever there was cause and need to remove someone from my boy's life, this was it.

I was in a moving car. It was raining and dark. And my mind was totally not on driving.

I made it home safe, with the oldest, but there were some decidedly close calls.

I was not told that my son was in danger.
I was not informed that a villain was now loose to prey upon his victim.
No one thought to enlighten me as to the interview, or permit me to express my views about this situation to my son.

And he just rolled with it, like he does.

I remember being young, unathletic, and doing pretty much what anyone wanted me to. I couldn't see anyone as being mean on purpose. Even into H.S. I thought everyone was basically good.

Heck, that really hasn't changed at all. But I see big glaring "Don't Go This Way" signs with red 'X's over the path he is unnecessarily tredding. I told him so, but he doesn't care. He's doing what Satan wants, and Satan talks louder than I do. And is there when Nick is.

Oh, and the supervision for Nick's visits? Provided by Satan and Nick's father.

The ones that permitted it to happen in the first place.

Idiots.

Dog Days

Today I went down to get my oldest, and he was playing baseball.

Well, not exactly playing. He was on the bench. Then he got to see absolutely no action out in left field.

While he was on the bench, he got to talking to me about what else he'd been doing. He's been helping out the kindergarten-age kids at the bible day-camp. Which was great until they figured out that they can beat him up.

Now, back in K-2 I didn't mind wailing on them that needed it, but I'd've never, EVER have picked a fight with someone twice my age. I sure as heck wouldn't have expected to win.

So, after a bit he manages to get on base (4 balls, since he can't hit dirt with a hoe), and steals 2nd and 3rd, which is just awesome. I can see him. I'm standing right next to the fence, out of film, waiting for his moment.

He's moving from foot to foot, anxious... he's questioning. Yes... NOW!

The ball springs out of the umpire's hand, flying in the totally wrong direction to get Ultraboy, who runs with everything he's got and then some... he's running across the plate! Out the fence! To the toilet!

Whew! What a relief... for a moment I thought he might do something, you know, athletic.

Will Smith

Recently I found myself interested in what happened to the rest of "the fresh prince" band. Will Smith has been in various movies and kept up something resembling a musical career.

Much to my surprise Ready Rock C is still doing stuff, though his site includes pics from DJJJ&TFP.

James Lassiter went into producing movies, including a few that Will Smith has been in. Is involved with Overbrook Entertainment, a production studio that Smith helped finance.

Omar Roberts appears to be producing Will Smith's albums. Oh, and Jada Plinkett-Smith's album.

Charlie "Mack" Alston is still part of Will Smith's life, generally assisting him on the set of various movies. Aside from that, I've no idea.

Oh, and, in case you're wondering, Jeff is still working.

Simple guide to marriage

Okay, people, listen up.

Plenty of my associates have whined about the problems they have traveling through life with the person they have chosen to be espoused to them. This, of course, leads to the inevitable question: "why are you married?" This path leads to disaster as the person in such a state invariably answers with some version of, "I don't know."

Self-doubt, questioning, accusations, divorce.

Ugly.

Let's start with a simple statement:

"for better or for worse."

Your problem is NOT your spouse (unless it is, cuz that does happen). A good bet would be that your life at this moment is not the happiest ever. You're looking for a scapegoat and the person nearest you is an easy target.

That's not cricket.

You're cheating both of you out of potential happiness later. Check your facts first:

1) Is it the "little things," like snoring or the way he/she slurps noodles?
2) Do you feel lousy even when away from your "source" of misery?
3) Do people look at you like your straightjacket is on the floor when you complain?

If any of these things are the case, you might be suffering from stress-based delusion. If, on the other hand:

1) You find your spouse's underwear at a co-workers home.
2) You have permanent red handprints on your cheeks.
3) Your recycle bin is full of liquor bottles, and you don't drink.

You may have issues on hand that need further evaluation involving psychiatrists.

Drive safe, and don't make out with your mailbox.

Friday 13 (neener neener)

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Apes, monkeys... the usual.

Part of our means of surviving has been our church, which aids us in our time of need by providing food (amongst other things). We pick it up every other Friday from a large truck that provides others in the area as well. This provides the perspective that we are not alone in our suffering... a good one to have.

At any rate, sometimes when I pick up the goods they have a bonus item... they once gave each family a cheesecake, for instance. This is a wonderful unexpected item that cheers up those present no end. Today they had bananas.

Now, I don't know how many bananas you go through in a two week period, but we were already expecting that amount in our shipment. Whatever we got would be extra bananas. Since others might not have considered their need, I let them pick first. Others had neighbors or relatives that were ill and needed cheering. Some even wanted to deliver some simply as gifts.

"Aren't you going to take some, Charlie?"
"I'll take whatever's left over."

At this point there was still a box and a half - out of 4 boxes total - and people were still arriving. Got down to 1.25 boxes and I started hawking the goods.

"Bananas! Get yer bananas here! Can't tella Chimp from a Chump without a banana!"

Managed to get that all the way down to 1 box. Which was good, mind, but I've no use for THAT many bananas, save as a means of making banana bread.

Approximately 48 loaves of banana bread. No, I'm not kidding. 48.

Prepare for a rain of loaves.

******************************
P.S. Made an 88 on my quiz yesterday. one quiz and a test next week. I begin to demonstrate leadership skills because no one else in my group will do so.

Jack Chick

Okay... I'm in control. Really.

(giggles)

Sorry, but I was over at wikipedia after fighting a bout of bummers, and ran across an entry on the RPGs. It mentioned the classic Chick Tract "Dark Dungeons."

"Dark Dungeons," for those who don't know, portrays players of Dungeons and Dragons as manipulative witches with damned souls. For anyone who has played the game, this idea borders on insanity. Reading "Dark Dungeons" is like dipping your head in Jell-O and yodelling.

Of course there are those who take parody too far...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, heck. I can't let this one entirely lie... RPGs are good. Like any tool, they can be used poorly, but I've yet to see anyone bludgeoned to death with a PHB. I doubt anyone reading this thinks they're BADD (sorry), but I have to speak up on this a few times a year.

I blame the 80s.

Bon Hombre

I love me some webcomics.

While the bar to the right indicates some of them, those often link to others, and so proceedeth a march of visual delight. There are many people working to entertain YOU, yes YOU, for nothing more than a moments attention. You owe them nothing, you are charged nothing.

If they went away, there would be a cold, cold vacuum on the internet.

Today I went over to Schlock Mercenary and discovered that he had been snarked. A term that not everyone is familiar with. The gentleman writing websnark is erudite without being pedantic. He is pop + culture. Notice his use and explanation of Shakespeare to explain the deeper meaning in Schlock.

While I don't read websnark daily, nor am I likely to, it is decidedly worth a peek once in a while.

Hie thee...

Pennies from heaven...

A friend of mine recently had problems acquiring a house.

She didn't have enough money.

It's not that she started off without enough money, but what she had was just enough to get her through. Naturally, no unexpected costs would creep up. I never thought I'd offer up Dave Barry as a source of wisdom, but his comments on home buying really grip the imagination.

I'll not be quoting him, lest he lack a sense of humor and sue, but the idea that he just walk in and hand over all liquid assets, including blood, at the closing bears a strong resemblance to mine own experience at the closing for my house.

Caveat Emptor. Loosely translated: "let the buyer empty his wallet."

Knead!

I made bread with my mixer from some realm another. It was a rather large batch. 12 loaves total (10 mini, 2 large, so the equivalent of 7 large loaves, roughly). Tremendous fun was had while I struggled to subdue the dough, and finally ran around the neighborhood in the middle of the night to place some of it in another oven, seeing as how we didn't have room in ours.

Of course I had to bake it right then. Don't be silly.

And, of course, I can't keep it all to myself. I gave some to the neighbors who helped, some to some nice adolescent males that are about as poor as we are... and I gave some to not-quite-random neighbors.

The flour used to make this bread came, chiefly, from the same neighbors that helped me bake the bread (said the little red hen). They, in turn, got it from people the next block over who were concerned that flour might go bad if you didn't use it minutes after opening the bag. All ten lbs of it.

They used about 5 and couldn't think of what to do with it. So they gave it away. I was told all of this when I received the flour (with the mixer), and expressed as much when I delivered it to them.

The reaction was more than I anticipated. Really. There was dancing in the streets, hosannahs, fireworks... the lot. I swear the woman was crying from joy at home made bread being delivered to her. The husband was beaming as he passed it over, as if he'd delivered the baby Jesus. I can't get over the reaction.

Mind you, I love making bread and giving it out (gratis is a fine word), but I've never seen anyone behave this way over two mini-loaves before. They were even runts, as far as that goes... shorter than other loaves in the batch. Most people just say, "thanks," and shut the door on you...

If I had more flour I'd be baking right now. Anyone who reacts like that needs more than I'm giving.

Kneel!

Neil Gaiman returned those of the old EC Comics, gave them a place in the DC Universe.

I didn't see the Crypt Keeper among them, but he'd managed to wrestle a deal with HBO prior to the release of "The Sandman".

"The Sandman" is a comic that stands above those of the "men in tights" variety, an example of what the artform can be... even within the limits set by marketing.

Neil also gave us "Coraline," "The Day I Swapped My Dad For Two Goldfish," and "Stardust."

But I first learned of him lying on a friends bed, reading over the more obscure comics with light only barely touching the pages.

The domain of dreams and nightmares became... human. Not real, but important and spiritual.

Because of Neil.

"From dreams I conjure a handful of yellow grain...

I throw the grain into the air.

And I hear it.

The sound of wings..."
-Sandman, "The Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes"

Thank you.

Subscribe this

First off, I'd like to welcome "The Great White Dope" to the blog links. His purpose is cultural. He reviews movies and links to YouTube alot. It gave me 7 or so classic MTV videos, and the original intro to MTV, so I'm not complaining. (Nina AND Martha!)

Martha Quinn briefly appeared in the movie "Eddie And The Cruisers II," demonstrating her enduring starpower.

Next, I'd like to address a question about subscribing to a blog on blogspot. You can't. At least, blogspot doesn't support it. If you have a newsreader (which you probably do), you can set it to recieve words from a specific site when it is updated. To do so, I recommend reading the blogspot FAQ while listening to heavy metal and snorting Comet(c). It might make sense under those conditions.

There's some talk about backlinks in that section but, owing to sobriety, I couldn't understand it.

Finally...

Yep.

Got me some final going on tomorrow. Should go pretty well. Above 70 is going to happen unless I thoroughly tank this one (like less than 30). 80 is probably (as long as I get above 60 and below 97 or so). A is unlikely, but possible. Whatever happens, I will not fail.

"Oui, Mon Capitan! Fort Zinderneuf, she will not fall!"

Then I begin a new class on Monday.

Go 4th!

Today we celebrate American Independence!

How are you celebrating? By setting off fireworks made in China? Watching them by driving to the spot in your Japanese car?

That's not bad, seeing as how we're supposed to be multicultural, but why not round out the experience with multicultural foods? Personally, I've made manapuas:

1 cannister pre-made biscuits
1 container pre-made barbeque
1 egg
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp water

Preheat oven to 375F. Mix egg, sugar, and water in a small bowl and set aside.

Remove first biscuit, set on clean surface, and squish it until pretty darn flat. Place portion of barbeque in the center of buscuit. Wrap biscuit around barbeque, pinching bottom closed. Repeat until either biscuits or barbeque are used up.

Brush manapuas with egg mixture, place on non-stick cooking surface for 14-18 minutes (I used the longest time on that list, and some of mine exploded).

We're having watermelon and cake as well, but that's not as exciting.

Music Video critique

I realize that most of the 80's music videos I'm fond of are total drek. Seriously. I rewatched Aerosmith's "Angel" the other day, and the video - while pertinent to the song - really needs some work. Mostly this is because the band, which wanders around the video pretty much the whole time, is terribly unattractive. Since this is a song about >ahem< attraction, the video really lacks. I think the only time it was relavent to feature Aerosmith in the video was "Dude Looks Like a Lady," and that's only because Steve likes to crossdress.

I watched videos from 311 and A Perfect Circle today. "Amber," from 311, was pretty good. I think the use of breasts was a bit heavy, and some of the transitions where more distracting than necessary, but the attempt at a mellow feel that is also somewhat hallucinatory worked with the song. From the same group, "Love Song" was horrid. I can't really fault them, since they were obliged to include clips from the movie "50 First Dates." Any time that a movie clip is included in a music video, there's strong odds you'll need to wire-brush your eyesockets (I'm looking at Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" here).

A Perfect Circle isn't generally my cup of tea, but I'll give them this... they're artists. Not visual artists, as indicated by the lack of a good music video in the entire library, but musical ones. Good variety, lyrically beautiful, and subject diverse. Props. Sit down with the video goons and explain your songs to them. Frequently. The videos I'm seeing don't do the songs justice.

More on Africa

Oh, and Africa would be poised to be the next human labor market, kinda like some Asian countries now, if they'd stop killing each other.

Another Day In Paradise

Today I went to work handing out samples at WarehouseMart. This is not a job requiring much thought or talent, but it does give one an appreciation for those that wind up standing there for 8-10 hours straight on a more frequent basis. My feet hurt so much that it boggles the mind how I think I'll get through tomorrow's shift.

Oh, and my pride has taken a blow... but that's nothing new.

I'd like to wave a big thanks to my mom, who pretty much single-handedly bailed me out of the Mixer issues I was having, resulting in my having one of the best Mixers known to man on my cupboard. I made 9 mini-loaves of banana bread first thing.

I plan on making regular loaves as soon as I recover from this job.

I was reading recently about Brad Pitt and his aid to Africa. His comments about "us" - assumably the Western Powers - dragging Africa down really upset me. Since I've studied both Economics and Marketing recently, I feel I have a few things worth mentioning:

1) Brad Pitt says that we don't allow Africa to earn "real" money by processing the coffee beans we buy from them elsewhere. Well, Brad, if they sold us processed beans, that's what we'd buy. Instead, they sell us whole beans.

2) "We're digging a pit for them, and throwing a little money into the pit." Sorry, Brad, but I'm not digging the Pitt about now. You see, Africa has resources that simply aren't being utilized for greatest efficiency. It doesn't take a Western Power or a white/asian/latino man to tell them efficiency, either. They have the capability, the brains, and the resources to sort all of this out just fine. They lack two things.

A) Property rights. Like Mexico, most African nations lack firm property rights laws. This makes for a very unstable market where "fair" prices vary wildly and contacts for anyone wielding power usually involves knowing who has the guns.

B) A free-market economy. There are three basic types of economy, and Africa is mired in the first two: command and traditional. Nothing wrong with tradition as long as you aren't dealing with international trade, where your biases about trade butt heads with those of differing beliefs. Command has been proven massively inefficient (think U.S.S.R.). While most governments dabble in command to some extent (buy American!), free-market is where it's at. If individual Africans or firms of Africans ran how their trade was done on an international level (even between African nations), barring some traditional barriers I think they'd do splendidly.

Basically, I think Brad fails to credit Africa with the drive to do things, the ability to get things done, and the savvy to achieve it wisely.

Dork.