Across the board in my Discrete Mathematics class is a bunch of symbols not known by folks outside my field of interest, but among them are some fairly mundane letters, such as epsilon and delta.
My teacher's frustration grows as she tries to explain a simple exercise in deductive reasoning. Yet another question is asked.
"C'mon people," she yells as she turns to the class, "it's not Greek!"
And the only noise
was one solitary giggle.
Well, yeah, it exploded after that.
30.08.2006
28.08.2006
Pink is the love you discover
Once upon a time, in a state that's about half the country away, I worked for a pizza deliver place that, for this post, will be known as "Pizza Glut". I certainly wouldn't want to give away it's true identity, being such a noble bastion of quality fast food.
I had transferred to the position of "pizza master"*, and was responsible for making the dough every morning for the upcoming days worth of pizza. It was a glorious job in that, unlike many other jobs, I was left alone. No matter how much the boss may have desired to keep an eye on my production, he'd rather not wake up at 4 a.m. to do so.
I did get to greet the afternoon crowd as I was going off shift, and on one occassion someone showed up a little earlier than expected and wandered back into the domain that was completely mine.
You have to understand that this is a delicate procedure. The dough must be made, weighed, tossed (really, they hand toss it), and pressed into a pre-greased pan and refrigerated until needed (preferrably within 24 hours).
Anyone doing this job knows that, in order to weigh the dough, a chunk must first be cut free using the knife you are given for the job. It's a pretty hefty (read "butcher") knife with a good edge on it.
And, when someone comes back while you're in mid-swing, if you are naturally friendly, you may wind up saying something along the lines of:
"Hiiiiooooowwch!"
This might, I'm not sure here since I'm sure nothing like this ever happened to my left thumb right across the nail, but there might well have been words that my mom wouldn't care to hear from a child of hers. I think she'd understand, but it would still be upsetting.
I wound up filling out the workmen's comp paperwork without bleeding all over creation, but I left behind a big ball of dough with blood all over it. Seriously, if you've never cut a finger all the way through, just know that on top of the pain it bleeds a bit.
They sent me to something called a "Doc in the Box" and some incompetent wrapped my thumb in gauze and told me everything would be fine. That's another little item you might want to make careful note of: Gauze + Skin = Future Pain. If there is nothing separating the injured skin from the gauze, you are going to have to pull the gauze out of the skin and have it re-heal. So, if you should ever be injured by a ninja and have to remove his -to from your butt, and the doctor decides to just patch you up with some gauze, demand some sort of ointment along with.
Aaaaaanyway, I went back to work after Dr. McQuack sent me off, in order to file some more paperwork and explain how long I'd be sans thumb (about a week, thanks to Trapper Jerk), when I looked over to see a pizza being made for the morning and (deep breath):
THEY HAD USED THE DOUGH!
To make certain you understand my horror, let me explain that it was the dough I had bled all over. It was pink throughout. To confirm this, I quietly checked the trash bin where said dough should have gone, and it wasn't there. It could have been discarded some other way, but I'd been working there for almost a year at the time, and I'd never seen anyone go out of their way to trash something.
Like most people who've worked fast food, I have a horror story, and this is it. Otherwise things went pretty well. No one spit on food or let other bodily fluids get mixed into the mayonnaise. No one did anything really crude in the freezer (which, at that time of life, I found a pity). And any other rumour you've heard pretty much didn't happen.
Oh. I do have two other horror stories, but they happened while I was a delivery driver. Since this happens in reverse chronological order, you'll see them above this point... someday.
*Or something to that effect
I had transferred to the position of "pizza master"*, and was responsible for making the dough every morning for the upcoming days worth of pizza. It was a glorious job in that, unlike many other jobs, I was left alone. No matter how much the boss may have desired to keep an eye on my production, he'd rather not wake up at 4 a.m. to do so.
I did get to greet the afternoon crowd as I was going off shift, and on one occassion someone showed up a little earlier than expected and wandered back into the domain that was completely mine.
You have to understand that this is a delicate procedure. The dough must be made, weighed, tossed (really, they hand toss it), and pressed into a pre-greased pan and refrigerated until needed (preferrably within 24 hours).
Anyone doing this job knows that, in order to weigh the dough, a chunk must first be cut free using the knife you are given for the job. It's a pretty hefty (read "butcher") knife with a good edge on it.
And, when someone comes back while you're in mid-swing, if you are naturally friendly, you may wind up saying something along the lines of:
"Hiiiiooooowwch!"
This might, I'm not sure here since I'm sure nothing like this ever happened to my left thumb right across the nail, but there might well have been words that my mom wouldn't care to hear from a child of hers. I think she'd understand, but it would still be upsetting.
I wound up filling out the workmen's comp paperwork without bleeding all over creation, but I left behind a big ball of dough with blood all over it. Seriously, if you've never cut a finger all the way through, just know that on top of the pain it bleeds a bit.
They sent me to something called a "Doc in the Box" and some incompetent wrapped my thumb in gauze and told me everything would be fine. That's another little item you might want to make careful note of: Gauze + Skin = Future Pain. If there is nothing separating the injured skin from the gauze, you are going to have to pull the gauze out of the skin and have it re-heal. So, if you should ever be injured by a ninja and have to remove his -to from your butt, and the doctor decides to just patch you up with some gauze, demand some sort of ointment along with.
Aaaaaanyway, I went back to work after Dr. McQuack sent me off, in order to file some more paperwork and explain how long I'd be sans thumb (about a week, thanks to Trapper Jerk), when I looked over to see a pizza being made for the morning and (deep breath):
THEY HAD USED THE DOUGH!
To make certain you understand my horror, let me explain that it was the dough I had bled all over. It was pink throughout. To confirm this, I quietly checked the trash bin where said dough should have gone, and it wasn't there. It could have been discarded some other way, but I'd been working there for almost a year at the time, and I'd never seen anyone go out of their way to trash something.
Like most people who've worked fast food, I have a horror story, and this is it. Otherwise things went pretty well. No one spit on food or let other bodily fluids get mixed into the mayonnaise. No one did anything really crude in the freezer (which, at that time of life, I found a pity). And any other rumour you've heard pretty much didn't happen.
Oh. I do have two other horror stories, but they happened while I was a delivery driver. Since this happens in reverse chronological order, you'll see them above this point... someday.
*Or something to that effect
Ponch and John
Having a deep fryer gives one a certain sense of community responsibility. In order to honor such a deep trust, I must seek out new ways to plunge foodstuffs (or my hand) into oil of up to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. To this end I have taken up trying to make potato chips.
I believe the best temperature is 340 for about 11 minutes, but the mandolin cutter we picked up at Target slices a bit to thick, so I get something similar to a circular french fry. Before you ask, I will not be trying to cut several potatoes wafer-thin using a knife. That way is just pain.
I believe the best temperature is 340 for about 11 minutes, but the mandolin cutter we picked up at Target slices a bit to thick, so I get something similar to a circular french fry. Before you ask, I will not be trying to cut several potatoes wafer-thin using a knife. That way is just pain.
25.08.2006
You're scared of the claw
I've been bitter angry today, while shaking a totally useless fist at the world.
I don't know why I'm this angry. I started happy, went to class, ran some errands, and returned home totally frustrated and malevalent.
No. Not malevalent. Cold. Not so cold, but definitely not warm, and the kids didn't seem to pick up on this, so bed time was somewhat... well, it wasn't loving.
Not that they didn't have some of that coming, since they tend to use the bathroom as a revolving excuse for not going to bed. Tonight Megaboy actually said, "I have to go potty every 5 seconds!" Which he doesn't. After letting him go to the bathroom I've stuffed him in his bedroom and let him cry about it. The youngest got away with just sitting on the potty for multiple reasons, not the least of which was that he wasn't kicking MB in the head that way.
So, a little sympathy.
I found another quote, of course:
Stop breaking the law!
I don't know why I'm this angry. I started happy, went to class, ran some errands, and returned home totally frustrated and malevalent.
No. Not malevalent. Cold. Not so cold, but definitely not warm, and the kids didn't seem to pick up on this, so bed time was somewhat... well, it wasn't loving.
Not that they didn't have some of that coming, since they tend to use the bathroom as a revolving excuse for not going to bed. Tonight Megaboy actually said, "I have to go potty every 5 seconds!" Which he doesn't. After letting him go to the bathroom I've stuffed him in his bedroom and let him cry about it. The youngest got away with just sitting on the potty for multiple reasons, not the least of which was that he wasn't kicking MB in the head that way.
So, a little sympathy.
I found another quote, of course:
Stop breaking the law!
24.08.2006
Thursday Thirteen, and then some.
My wife, once quoted "The Princess Bride" in her blog.
I present to you thirteen of my favorite quotes, but not all of them have sources that are linkable:
13) "Am I qualified?"
12) "Manos." (use air-quotes for this one)
11) "You have an interociter?" (response): "Sure, doesn't everybody?"
10) "Believe you me,(name), I calculated the odds that this would work versus my doing something incredibly stupid and... I went ahead and did it anyway."
9) "...the piercing scream of a freshman."
8) "Bite me, Frodo!"
7) "THE REINDEER - OH THE REINDEER. - keep floating like holiday floats and in turn exploding in a hail of blood and entrails. Prancer - BOOM. Dancer - BOOM."
6) "The inexplicable shot of Gertrude Stein."
5) "Because you're bad at math?"
4) "He learned too late that man was a feeling creature."
3) "You don't see many trees like this anymore. Well, down it goes!"
2) "And this guy. He's a woozle. His name is 'Peanut'."
1) "You! Swat the magic elves."
I'd also like to quote the entire "Rocketship XM" MST3K, but there just isn't room. I'll add some bonus quotes about here:
3) "We've secretly replaced their escape pod with Folger's crystals."
2) "Wait 'til I get going! Where was I...?"
1) "They're not just for erotica..."
I present to you thirteen of my favorite quotes, but not all of them have sources that are linkable:
13) "Am I qualified?"
12) "Manos." (use air-quotes for this one)
11) "You have an interociter?" (response): "Sure, doesn't everybody?"
10) "Believe you me,(name), I calculated the odds that this would work versus my doing something incredibly stupid and... I went ahead and did it anyway."
9) "...the piercing scream of a freshman."
8) "Bite me, Frodo!"
7) "THE REINDEER - OH THE REINDEER. - keep floating like holiday floats and in turn exploding in a hail of blood and entrails. Prancer - BOOM. Dancer - BOOM."
6) "The inexplicable shot of Gertrude Stein."
5) "Because you're bad at math?"
4) "He learned too late that man was a feeling creature."
3) "You don't see many trees like this anymore. Well, down it goes!"
2) "And this guy. He's a woozle. His name is 'Peanut'."
1) "You! Swat the magic elves."
I'd also like to quote the entire "Rocketship XM" MST3K, but there just isn't room. I'll add some bonus quotes about here:
3) "We've secretly replaced their escape pod with Folger's crystals."
2) "Wait 'til I get going! Where was I...?"
1) "They're not just for erotica..."
Off to a great start!
Currently I have an 'A' in all of my classes.
Including, I kid you not, "biological engineering."
I love the program I'm in. Everything just sounds cool. Mechatronics. Biological Engineering.
Oh, and I got the spiffy school ID that lets me get into all the places on campus that are off limits to civilians. I'm an engineer/CS guy, which pretty much covers all of the electronic locks. Also, I can print on almost any printer on campus.
1000 pages per printer.
I used to think I'd never be able to print all the books I have on CD, but no more.
Including, I kid you not, "biological engineering."
I love the program I'm in. Everything just sounds cool. Mechatronics. Biological Engineering.
Oh, and I got the spiffy school ID that lets me get into all the places on campus that are off limits to civilians. I'm an engineer/CS guy, which pretty much covers all of the electronic locks. Also, I can print on almost any printer on campus.
1000 pages per printer.
I used to think I'd never be able to print all the books I have on CD, but no more.
21.08.2006
I didn't post this...
And I'm certain that this isn't funny. At all.
Excepting when you spew soda all over your keyboard.
UPDATE! It was suggested that I offer up something other than the homepage, as a better representation of the comic. Therefor, I offer up this in hopes of not only making a monkey go blind, but also as a good example of what childhood at my school seemed like.
Although we didn't have nuns.
Excepting when you spew soda all over your keyboard.
UPDATE! It was suggested that I offer up something other than the homepage, as a better representation of the comic. Therefor, I offer up this in hopes of not only making a monkey go blind, but also as a good example of what childhood at my school seemed like.
Although we didn't have nuns.
20.08.2006
Song challenge
Earlier this month Dorothy mentioned a challenge by another blogger to come up with a song that changed your life, or even your personality.
I offer up something that might seem counterintuitive, as always:
Radiohead's "Creep":
When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eyes
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very' special
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so very'special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh
She's running out the door ...
She's running out
she's run, run, run, run...
run...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here...
At a time in my life when I knew I was an outsider, when no one seemed to like me or understand me, this song told me that I was not alone. My perspective wasn't that it was sung to one person, but to everyone else. It still seems that way, and it still reaches into my soul.
I offer up something that might seem counterintuitive, as always:
Radiohead's "Creep":
When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eyes
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very' special
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so very'special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh
She's running out the door ...
She's running out
she's run, run, run, run...
run...
Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so very special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here...
At a time in my life when I knew I was an outsider, when no one seemed to like me or understand me, this song told me that I was not alone. My perspective wasn't that it was sung to one person, but to everyone else. It still seems that way, and it still reaches into my soul.
19.08.2006
Alright now.
My classes don't permit me to pick up my kids from school.
Well, they do, but it'll be really tight.
And on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'd have to take them with me to class.
Health class.
I'm pretty sure the oldest could take it, but I don't want the youngest exposed to a college level health class, if you get me.
I need the money a full time course load gets me (through the VA). All of these classes are required for my declared... stuff. I tried to add a minor of English, but it proved useless, since no classes are offered that would change anything for this semester.
I can't afford day care.
And my wife keeps crying about this.
If I have to, I'll find someone I trust on campus to watch over them (and, yes, I have some ideas), but I'd rather field some suggestions first. Some of you have gone through something similar, right?
Well, they do, but it'll be really tight.
And on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'd have to take them with me to class.
Health class.
I'm pretty sure the oldest could take it, but I don't want the youngest exposed to a college level health class, if you get me.
I need the money a full time course load gets me (through the VA). All of these classes are required for my declared... stuff. I tried to add a minor of English, but it proved useless, since no classes are offered that would change anything for this semester.
I can't afford day care.
And my wife keeps crying about this.
If I have to, I'll find someone I trust on campus to watch over them (and, yes, I have some ideas), but I'd rather field some suggestions first. Some of you have gone through something similar, right?
I like watermelon
Not long ago I was involved in providing entertainment for a gathering. The leftovers, what couldn't be returned to the store (the funds to purchase goods were not mine), were left to myself and the other coordinator.
I wound up with .5 watermelons and .5 Kool-Aid containers.
I have Chemical Engineering on Monday.
It's the craziest thing that I'm involved in so much on campus, that my classes have me run from one side to the other and communicating with every department (excepting textiles and music... I do have a class in animal anatomy that takes me out to the farming folk). Journalism, English, Math, Comp Sci, Engineering, Chemistry, Biology, Business... it makes me happy and worried. How is one mortal supposed to know all this stuff? Not on the light end of things, like study only the 100 and 200 level stuff, but the 400 level disconnects?
And yet, here I am. I've set myself on perhaps the most insane path I could imagine.
And I'm going to sit here and eat watermelon, and ignore it.
Blackberries are doing well this year.
Yep.
I wound up with .5 watermelons and .5 Kool-Aid containers.
I have Chemical Engineering on Monday.
It's the craziest thing that I'm involved in so much on campus, that my classes have me run from one side to the other and communicating with every department (excepting textiles and music... I do have a class in animal anatomy that takes me out to the farming folk). Journalism, English, Math, Comp Sci, Engineering, Chemistry, Biology, Business... it makes me happy and worried. How is one mortal supposed to know all this stuff? Not on the light end of things, like study only the 100 and 200 level stuff, but the 400 level disconnects?
And yet, here I am. I've set myself on perhaps the most insane path I could imagine.
And I'm going to sit here and eat watermelon, and ignore it.
Blackberries are doing well this year.
Yep.
16.08.2006
Happy birthday
Someone had a birthday today, and it was, in some ways, most wonderful. With intermittent pain.
Got her a nice book on a subject she's been wanting to get her Master's in. It turned out to be just the right one.
Ultraboy was on his best behaviour, and helped in the cooking and cleaning that was done. His value on this day cannot be overstated. He was dazzling.
The two youngest showed a remarkable amount of enthusiasm.
I made homemade pizza, with the help of UB, along with a cake and frosting. Our neighbors gave us a vacuum and some more vegetables. We gave them zucchini bread.
The vacuum is a loan, really, but without interest. Save that I will bake more bread for them in the future.
I go off to a job I got in 5.5 hours. I should sleep about now.
Got her a nice book on a subject she's been wanting to get her Master's in. It turned out to be just the right one.
Ultraboy was on his best behaviour, and helped in the cooking and cleaning that was done. His value on this day cannot be overstated. He was dazzling.
The two youngest showed a remarkable amount of enthusiasm.
I made homemade pizza, with the help of UB, along with a cake and frosting. Our neighbors gave us a vacuum and some more vegetables. We gave them zucchini bread.
The vacuum is a loan, really, but without interest. Save that I will bake more bread for them in the future.
I go off to a job I got in 5.5 hours. I should sleep about now.
15.08.2006
Oh, yes...
Some people claim that I'm crazy.
I'll introduce you to one of the few quotes I like from Meg Ryan, as delivered in "Joe vs. The Volcano*:"L
"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement."
I stand by this. Every moment I've got is a moment to treasure.
The moment I go to sleep, the moment I stop trying to stay awake, is a sad day in my personal history. A sad, gray day.
*"Joe vs. The Volcano" is about the greatest movie ever. Really. It looks almost like a stage production, especially some of the shots where Tom Hanks is floating in the ocean... the repetitious symbols are awesome. Inside of the first 10 minutes you've seen everything in the movie (except Abe Vigoda), and it's still just plain fun. Watch it. Right now!
I'll introduce you to one of the few quotes I like from Meg Ryan, as delivered in "Joe vs. The Volcano*:"L
"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement."
I stand by this. Every moment I've got is a moment to treasure.
The moment I go to sleep, the moment I stop trying to stay awake, is a sad day in my personal history. A sad, gray day.
*"Joe vs. The Volcano" is about the greatest movie ever. Really. It looks almost like a stage production, especially some of the shots where Tom Hanks is floating in the ocean... the repetitious symbols are awesome. Inside of the first 10 minutes you've seen everything in the movie (except Abe Vigoda), and it's still just plain fun. Watch it. Right now!
She
This, woman, is partly why I'm the luckiest man there is.
Mostly, though, I can sum it up with 6 words:
You love me, I love you.
How simple and wonderful it is to have that kind of relationship. I pirouette on top of the Eiffel Tower. I dance on moonbeams.
I smile at icebergs and tip my hat at agony.
All the woes that life hands us are transient. Momentary distractions to the wonder that is our togetherness. No storm will not pass.
Mostly, though, I can sum it up with 6 words:
You love me, I love you.
How simple and wonderful it is to have that kind of relationship. I pirouette on top of the Eiffel Tower. I dance on moonbeams.
I smile at icebergs and tip my hat at agony.
All the woes that life hands us are transient. Momentary distractions to the wonder that is our togetherness. No storm will not pass.
And now for something completely different.
Partial conversation:
W: "On whose authority is all this based?"
C: "Mine. I am the sole authority. I am King of Mars."
UB: "Can I be King of Uranus?"
C: "No."
And, on a totally unrelated note to the above, but to cap off the beautiful experiences I've been having as of late...
The vacuum broke. Right after the only stipulation the CPS person gave us was that we needed to clean up. It broke right on our living room floor.
W: "On whose authority is all this based?"
C: "Mine. I am the sole authority. I am King of Mars."
UB: "Can I be King of Uranus?"
C: "No."
And, on a totally unrelated note to the above, but to cap off the beautiful experiences I've been having as of late...
The vacuum broke. Right after the only stipulation the CPS person gave us was that we needed to clean up. It broke right on our living room floor.
14.08.2006
Child Protection Circuses
LADIEEEEEES AND GEN-TLE-MEN, AND CHILDREN OF ALLLLLLLL AGES,
Welcome to the greatest show on earth! My life!
I'll bet you were wondering what ever became of a certain psychotic's claim that my children ate nothing but banana bread, since a phone call is never the end of it. As one might surmise, a visit from some local authority was practically destiny.
It still took me by surprise.
9:45 or so this morning my doorbell rang, and I expected a neighbor when I opened the door. "Hi, my name's Peggy, I'm with the Child Protection Services! We received a complaint that your children are starving and eating only banana bread, may I come in?"
Now, I had offered something like that to my ex, but she'd apparently declined, owing to a lack of actual concern for her child. She's delegating her parental obligations to the local CPS branch. Can't say as I'm impressed.
I want to rant, to scream, and to call BH and cry on his shoulder about this. My former sister-in-law abandoned her kids, and still had a chance at keeping them, but that's the deep south. I'm in the middle of no-man's land with little support outside of wife and kids.
What I think Satan wanted was for us to be taken to court and have children removed from us... Ultraboy would naturally go with the wonderful caregiver that was sitting in the courtroom weeping over the plight of the children (because she cares about all children... even child molesters). This didn't happen.
Peggy looked at our pantry and kitchen, frowning at the mess but noting that we obviously had plenty of food. She interviewed the kids, save the littlest, and came to talk to me and the missus.
She talked pleasantly about our situation, since we aren't that badly off. "Whoever filed this report, and I can't say names, clearly didn't have all the facts."
"Oh, we know who filed."
"Who do you think filed it?"
And so the explanation of Satan and the banana bread came forth. It was nice to get some of that off my chest, how the woman wouldn't listen to the truth and that even her own son had laughed at her over-the-top reaction.
"There is something else here... we didn't respond to it earlier, but I thought I'd ask you about this report that UB..."
"Does this involve a concussion," I asked.
"Noooo..." and I could hear her storing that one for questioning. I'll probably hear about it on a future visit. And there will be more.
"It involves sexual molestation. We didn't respond because you were notifying the school that it had occured, which is appropriate action, but I want some more information."
Admittedly, it would be delicious if the princess of darkness got a visit from CPS on a day that Jerry's kid was there with Ultraboy and she and Jerry were out on a date. One could only hope that I could sit in the back of the court for that hearing.
but I doubt I'd be crying.
Welcome to the greatest show on earth! My life!
I'll bet you were wondering what ever became of a certain psychotic's claim that my children ate nothing but banana bread, since a phone call is never the end of it. As one might surmise, a visit from some local authority was practically destiny.
It still took me by surprise.
9:45 or so this morning my doorbell rang, and I expected a neighbor when I opened the door. "Hi, my name's Peggy, I'm with the Child Protection Services! We received a complaint that your children are starving and eating only banana bread, may I come in?"
Now, I had offered something like that to my ex, but she'd apparently declined, owing to a lack of actual concern for her child. She's delegating her parental obligations to the local CPS branch. Can't say as I'm impressed.
I want to rant, to scream, and to call BH and cry on his shoulder about this. My former sister-in-law abandoned her kids, and still had a chance at keeping them, but that's the deep south. I'm in the middle of no-man's land with little support outside of wife and kids.
What I think Satan wanted was for us to be taken to court and have children removed from us... Ultraboy would naturally go with the wonderful caregiver that was sitting in the courtroom weeping over the plight of the children (because she cares about all children... even child molesters). This didn't happen.
Peggy looked at our pantry and kitchen, frowning at the mess but noting that we obviously had plenty of food. She interviewed the kids, save the littlest, and came to talk to me and the missus.
She talked pleasantly about our situation, since we aren't that badly off. "Whoever filed this report, and I can't say names, clearly didn't have all the facts."
"Oh, we know who filed."
"Who do you think filed it?"
And so the explanation of Satan and the banana bread came forth. It was nice to get some of that off my chest, how the woman wouldn't listen to the truth and that even her own son had laughed at her over-the-top reaction.
"There is something else here... we didn't respond to it earlier, but I thought I'd ask you about this report that UB..."
"Does this involve a concussion," I asked.
"Noooo..." and I could hear her storing that one for questioning. I'll probably hear about it on a future visit. And there will be more.
"It involves sexual molestation. We didn't respond because you were notifying the school that it had occured, which is appropriate action, but I want some more information."
Admittedly, it would be delicious if the princess of darkness got a visit from CPS on a day that Jerry's kid was there with Ultraboy and she and Jerry were out on a date. One could only hope that I could sit in the back of the court for that hearing.
but I doubt I'd be crying.
12.08.2006
Crazy like moose (War U Bin?)
Many of you might be wondering about Satan, and her desire to plague my life and that of my son by yelling "...but I'm his mother!"
Her latest concern is that I'm not feeding him anything but banana bread. I'll grant that alot of that has passed through my home and even across my breakfast table (no other meals, I swear), but one glance in my pantry allows one to assess that I do have more than just banana bread in the house.
Recently Ultraboy was on the phone with her and explained that we had copious amounts of banana bread, and laughed at her reaction that she was "worried" about us only eating banana bread when he hung up.
Finally, a little warning that the maelstrom of psychosis was about to rage upon me.
Sure as h3||, I got an email the following day:
[summary]
I'm very concerned about ultraboy, as he has only eaten banana bread for the past two weeks. He tells me that he is so thankful to the neighbors for feeding him and that he ess so starfing.
You are a bad father, and I want to change custody with you, until you get back on your feet. Also, possession is 9/10ths of the law, and you'll never see your son again. Jerk.
[/summary]
I responded by saying that Satan could perhaps get webshots of our pantry, or could question UB on what the contents of the pantry are. Perhaps by naming shelf and position.
She accused me of lying. Whatever my 11.5 year old son says is gospel, even though it's wrong. Whatever I say, unless it is in accordance with said gospel, is a lie. Otherwise, it's probably a perversion of the truth.
KHHHAAAAAAAAANNN!
Her latest concern is that I'm not feeding him anything but banana bread. I'll grant that alot of that has passed through my home and even across my breakfast table (no other meals, I swear), but one glance in my pantry allows one to assess that I do have more than just banana bread in the house.
Recently Ultraboy was on the phone with her and explained that we had copious amounts of banana bread, and laughed at her reaction that she was "worried" about us only eating banana bread when he hung up.
Finally, a little warning that the maelstrom of psychosis was about to rage upon me.
Sure as h3||, I got an email the following day:
[summary]
I'm very concerned about ultraboy, as he has only eaten banana bread for the past two weeks. He tells me that he is so thankful to the neighbors for feeding him and that he ess so starfing.
You are a bad father, and I want to change custody with you, until you get back on your feet. Also, possession is 9/10ths of the law, and you'll never see your son again. Jerk.
[/summary]
I responded by saying that Satan could perhaps get webshots of our pantry, or could question UB on what the contents of the pantry are. Perhaps by naming shelf and position.
She accused me of lying. Whatever my 11.5 year old son says is gospel, even though it's wrong. Whatever I say, unless it is in accordance with said gospel, is a lie. Otherwise, it's probably a perversion of the truth.
KHHHAAAAAAAAANNN!
I love curves!
Recently there was quite the debacle in the computer lab about yours truly. While I do have a staggering intellect, I had not considered myself as doing as well in one of my computer science classes as someone suggested.
In fact, they accused me of ruining the grade curve for everybody. This was because, my accuser claimed, I had scored so well on the tests that no mere mortal could compete.
Now, I managed a C in that class. A high C, to be certain, but not something to be proud of.
Until I discovered two things:
1) Most people did worse. These same associates directed me to a website showing the average grade for the course (several CS classes were . It was a college site, and reasonably sound.
2) I had done exceptionally well on the tests... I had not turned in a number of homework assignments (I'm a busy guy... and "1" is a number. In this case it was 2-3, and I don't care). The tests determined the curve. The homework value was not adjusted.
It turns out that I had ruined the curve for everyone. And don't think I didn't act smug about it once I figured that out.
Now, of course, I have to live up to that reputation.
I admit to being nervous about Chemical Engineering.
In fact, they accused me of ruining the grade curve for everybody. This was because, my accuser claimed, I had scored so well on the tests that no mere mortal could compete.
Now, I managed a C in that class. A high C, to be certain, but not something to be proud of.
Until I discovered two things:
1) Most people did worse. These same associates directed me to a website showing the average grade for the course (several CS classes were . It was a college site, and reasonably sound.
2) I had done exceptionally well on the tests... I had not turned in a number of homework assignments (I'm a busy guy... and "1" is a number. In this case it was 2-3, and I don't care). The tests determined the curve. The homework value was not adjusted.
It turns out that I had ruined the curve for everyone. And don't think I didn't act smug about it once I figured that out.
Now, of course, I have to live up to that reputation.
I admit to being nervous about Chemical Engineering.
Ethics on Ear
I think that my brother suffers from a similar problem to me. I hope it's true, because the alternative would be that he likes hanging out with bad people because he believes that he is a bad person.
He wants to convert them. To lead by example.
It's what I want. To show bad people that it's great and fun to be good. Granted, it's my kind of good, but you have to admit to it being a decent start.
Besides, I love them. In the same way that I love all human beings (Satan does not count as human, seeing as how she's pure, concentrated evil).
So, the temptation to get to know them and try and figure out why they are bad, and maybe help them not be that way, is pretty strong. Only you can't. Because they don't want help. So you wind up associating with scum and being associated with scum. Which results in you being confused. Now you're crazy and scum.
Somehow, for the most part, I've shown pretty good judgement on this front. From what I hear, my brother continues to hang out with scum. This doesn't mean that he doesn't have good judgement... just that he hasn't worried about the effect on himself when deciding who to come in contact with. Course, everything I know comes second-,third-, or (in some rare instances), fourth-hand.
Right now he's looking for a fresh start, and I'm more than happy to help him. He's a good man in need of a good life.
He wants to convert them. To lead by example.
It's what I want. To show bad people that it's great and fun to be good. Granted, it's my kind of good, but you have to admit to it being a decent start.
Besides, I love them. In the same way that I love all human beings (Satan does not count as human, seeing as how she's pure, concentrated evil).
So, the temptation to get to know them and try and figure out why they are bad, and maybe help them not be that way, is pretty strong. Only you can't. Because they don't want help. So you wind up associating with scum and being associated with scum. Which results in you being confused. Now you're crazy and scum.
Somehow, for the most part, I've shown pretty good judgement on this front. From what I hear, my brother continues to hang out with scum. This doesn't mean that he doesn't have good judgement... just that he hasn't worried about the effect on himself when deciding who to come in contact with. Course, everything I know comes second-,third-, or (in some rare instances), fourth-hand.
Right now he's looking for a fresh start, and I'm more than happy to help him. He's a good man in need of a good life.
09.08.2006
One small Questing...
My boys have recently started playing Adventure Quest, the game for people who just really need to get a game fix. In theory it's an RPG, and I guess that holds up when you use the Computer Gaming definition. Still, it's extremely repetative. It's more like "The Legend Of Zelda".
Except, of course, no Ganon.
At the moment they play Dragon Fable, a spinoff of Adventure Quest. It's pretty much the same, only some slightly cooler functions.
These games are currently free, if you can get on the server. The server for AQ is usually packed at mid-day, but Dragon Fable is stress-testing right now. You can get on whenever. You can get on whenever, as you quickly learn, should you send the folk in Florida $20 American for it. It's good for the life of the game, so it's not a subscription gig... but it only covers AQ as far as I can tell. Dragon Fable costs $30+, and between the two you could purchase something that is equally as valuable 5 times over:
Tetris: Not an RPG, but it's well worth the $10 you shell for the game.
Civilization 2": The graphics are better, and it's far more addictive.
Rainbow Six: Duuuude.
Splinter Cell: Another excellent game. It doesn't have the replay value of CivII or Tetris, but it's definitely an RPG to the C and the "sneak around and not shoot stuff" play remains a favorite.
Pretty much every cool 80's arcade game. Plus soundtrack (for an additional $10).
Any Myst game. It will take you long enough to solve the puzzles that it might as well be repetitive, with the advantage that it isn't.
Max Payne manages to squeak in on a technicality. I've fiddled with it a bit, and the game is dark, but definitely an RPG+shooter with a dark sense of humor. The Noir feel is incredible. Made by those cretins that put together "Grand Theft Auto". To my surprise.
Baldur's Gate doesn't have any such excuse. I've never played it, but every bit of press I've seen has been positive. It is allegedly one of the best CRPGs ever.
Another "never played it", Advent Rising makes the list solely because it's written by Orson Scott Card. I'd like to encourage professional writers to involve themselves in the production of entertainment. Good ones.
Bad graphics don't stop Roller coaster Tycoon from being an excellent edition for most any gaming cabinet. It lacks anything really objectionable and is so cartoony as to be almost adorable. Plus the occassional crash.
Risk goes much faster on the computer, and is soooo worth the coin. (Price was listed as .01 dollars as of this writing).
An educational classic:
Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? is such a fun game, and not so repetitive for the younger set as to be worthless in 2 games.
Pirates! gets an honorable mention. It's $20, but it's a fine example of a good game that just doesn't get old.
That's what I've got... feel free to add info.
Except, of course, no Ganon.
At the moment they play Dragon Fable, a spinoff of Adventure Quest. It's pretty much the same, only some slightly cooler functions.
These games are currently free, if you can get on the server. The server for AQ is usually packed at mid-day, but Dragon Fable is stress-testing right now. You can get on whenever. You can get on whenever, as you quickly learn, should you send the folk in Florida $20 American for it. It's good for the life of the game, so it's not a subscription gig... but it only covers AQ as far as I can tell. Dragon Fable costs $30+, and between the two you could purchase something that is equally as valuable 5 times over:
Tetris: Not an RPG, but it's well worth the $10 you shell for the game.
Civilization 2": The graphics are better, and it's far more addictive.
Rainbow Six: Duuuude.
Splinter Cell: Another excellent game. It doesn't have the replay value of CivII or Tetris, but it's definitely an RPG to the C and the "sneak around and not shoot stuff" play remains a favorite.
Pretty much every cool 80's arcade game. Plus soundtrack (for an additional $10).
Any Myst game. It will take you long enough to solve the puzzles that it might as well be repetitive, with the advantage that it isn't.
Max Payne manages to squeak in on a technicality. I've fiddled with it a bit, and the game is dark, but definitely an RPG+shooter with a dark sense of humor. The Noir feel is incredible. Made by those cretins that put together "Grand Theft Auto". To my surprise.
Baldur's Gate doesn't have any such excuse. I've never played it, but every bit of press I've seen has been positive. It is allegedly one of the best CRPGs ever.
Another "never played it", Advent Rising makes the list solely because it's written by Orson Scott Card. I'd like to encourage professional writers to involve themselves in the production of entertainment. Good ones.
Bad graphics don't stop Roller coaster Tycoon from being an excellent edition for most any gaming cabinet. It lacks anything really objectionable and is so cartoony as to be almost adorable. Plus the occassional crash.
Risk goes much faster on the computer, and is soooo worth the coin. (Price was listed as .01 dollars as of this writing).
An educational classic:
Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? is such a fun game, and not so repetitive for the younger set as to be worthless in 2 games.
Pirates! gets an honorable mention. It's $20, but it's a fine example of a good game that just doesn't get old.
That's what I've got... feel free to add info.
Ask not...
Well, I went ahead and whined about my job. To my boss. Not the boss at the location, but the Temp Boss that hired me for that position.
Me: "No, I'm just saying that it involves heavy lifting, and I remember saying... yes, I'll hold."
Her: "Don't worry about going to work tomorrow."
It was that fast. And I'm still not sure how grateful I should be. I mean, having a job was/is very important. Not the work, exactly, but the pay. I recognize that my family is struggling... we're all having a hard time, and doing my bit made me feel better.
Mind, the physical labor made me feel rotten. Really. Getting home, I couldn't move. My back still feels like I was in the running of the bulls and tripped. Uck.
I'm a bit conflicted here. I'll live, and I imagine some clerical work will come my way eventually.
No money. Except the 2 days I did work.
Moving on.
Me: "No, I'm just saying that it involves heavy lifting, and I remember saying... yes, I'll hold."
Her: "Don't worry about going to work tomorrow."
It was that fast. And I'm still not sure how grateful I should be. I mean, having a job was/is very important. Not the work, exactly, but the pay. I recognize that my family is struggling... we're all having a hard time, and doing my bit made me feel better.
Mind, the physical labor made me feel rotten. Really. Getting home, I couldn't move. My back still feels like I was in the running of the bulls and tripped. Uck.
I'm a bit conflicted here. I'll live, and I imagine some clerical work will come my way eventually.
No money. Except the 2 days I did work.
Moving on.
07.08.2006
Geneaology
I tell you that the pursuit of one's past is maddening. Oh, and here are a few more apostrophes: ''''''. Use liberally.
I'm trying in particular to find my native american roots, in hopes of getting money for college.
I found one. She appears on the Dawes Roll, which certifies her as being 100% native american at the time. The problem? She wasn't. She may have been 1/16th. Maybe.
I'll continue scratching my head until I pass out from exhaustion.
I'm trying in particular to find my native american roots, in hopes of getting money for college.
I found one. She appears on the Dawes Roll, which certifies her as being 100% native american at the time. The problem? She wasn't. She may have been 1/16th. Maybe.
I'll continue scratching my head until I pass out from exhaustion.
Got a job!
Lowly though it may be, I work for the next two weeks. Unless I say otherwise. At the pittance of $9.00/hr, I'm tasked with lifting heavy objects and counting things. My immediate supervisor is an accountant with no sympathy.
Math
Let's add this up:
Work + pain + wife in chronic pain while children run over her = something just short of Hell.
Let me describe my current work situation: I spent my first day getting up at 6:00am am to get to work by 7:00am, wherein I was given an anti-static smock (which I was prepared for), led to the warehouse, and immdiately encouraged to lift heavy boxes and count things until my eyes burned out. I did this until about 3:30, when I began to run errands for the family, which were necessary. I came home just after 5:00 to collapse in something my wife calls "the ball of pain (and whimpering)", only to find that my wife was on the verge of a nervous breakdown owing to the children running roughshod all over her today. Not only that, but she could hardly move, a state that I shared with her.
I specifically told the temp agency not to give me heavy lifting work, and yet here I am... I need the income, but I'm not sure I can stay at a job that requires this of me.
Le Sigh.
Work + pain + wife in chronic pain while children run over her = something just short of Hell.
Let me describe my current work situation: I spent my first day getting up at 6:00am am to get to work by 7:00am, wherein I was given an anti-static smock (which I was prepared for), led to the warehouse, and immdiately encouraged to lift heavy boxes and count things until my eyes burned out. I did this until about 3:30, when I began to run errands for the family, which were necessary. I came home just after 5:00 to collapse in something my wife calls "the ball of pain (and whimpering)", only to find that my wife was on the verge of a nervous breakdown owing to the children running roughshod all over her today. Not only that, but she could hardly move, a state that I shared with her.
I specifically told the temp agency not to give me heavy lifting work, and yet here I am... I need the income, but I'm not sure I can stay at a job that requires this of me.
Le Sigh.
Fun Love
Spot the obscure pop-culture cross-reference!
My wife recently suggested that polygamy might make a comeback, what with all the discussion these days on what constitutes a traditional marriage, and whether that institute needs saving. Should things go south for traditional marriage, she suggests, all definitions could go out the window.
Now, I wanna state that I'm not opposed to plural marriage. I'm pretty much in the "whatever floats your boat" camp. I'm not opposed to gay men marrying each other, rainbows marrying dolphins, trees marrying Neptune, or whatever.
But I know that plural marriage has stigma on it that gay doesn't. Why? Because, in this country, it is attached strongly to the LDS church, which did at one point in history have adherents that practiced plural marriage.
If someone suggested that it was the cultural right of an Arabian to have plural marriage, and that movement gained momentum, there might be a slim chance. But probably not. Arabs are simply a very small voice in a land that either doesn't care, and wouldn't vote on the issue, or does care, and would oppose it.
And, would it be a good thing?
Personally, I'm going to adapt a line with: "think of the taxes!"
There are plenty of things that have already been said regarding society/culture and polygamy, but I don't think it's been put in practical enough terms to really consider it.
Another thing: mainstream America isn't seriously looking at polygamy. Oh, sure, there's that sitcom ("Big Love") out there, which offers a little bit of "chew on this", but that's not an approval device, last I checked.
So, there's the question: Polygamy in America's Future?
Discuss.
My wife recently suggested that polygamy might make a comeback, what with all the discussion these days on what constitutes a traditional marriage, and whether that institute needs saving. Should things go south for traditional marriage, she suggests, all definitions could go out the window.
Now, I wanna state that I'm not opposed to plural marriage. I'm pretty much in the "whatever floats your boat" camp. I'm not opposed to gay men marrying each other, rainbows marrying dolphins, trees marrying Neptune, or whatever.
But I know that plural marriage has stigma on it that gay doesn't. Why? Because, in this country, it is attached strongly to the LDS church, which did at one point in history have adherents that practiced plural marriage.
If someone suggested that it was the cultural right of an Arabian to have plural marriage, and that movement gained momentum, there might be a slim chance. But probably not. Arabs are simply a very small voice in a land that either doesn't care, and wouldn't vote on the issue, or does care, and would oppose it.
And, would it be a good thing?
Personally, I'm going to adapt a line with: "think of the taxes!"
There are plenty of things that have already been said regarding society/culture and polygamy, but I don't think it's been put in practical enough terms to really consider it.
Another thing: mainstream America isn't seriously looking at polygamy. Oh, sure, there's that sitcom ("Big Love") out there, which offers a little bit of "chew on this", but that's not an approval device, last I checked.
So, there's the question: Polygamy in America's Future?
Discuss.
05.08.2006
I'm going to hell for this...
A while back I wrote that Bush is/was a good president.
Then, when confronted, I backed off, stating that he wasn't a bad president.
I'll admit that there are worlds of difference between the two, but let me resume my initial stance:
George W. Bush is a good president.
Some of my audience might accuse me of trying to be controversial (again). Let me assure you that such is not the case. I will back up my statements by pointing and laughing. Oh, and something resembling sanity.
The war in Iraq/every other act of violence during this administration: So far it has been this scenario: People with guns shoot at people with guns. W is down with the fair fighting. Unless you believe either a)the opponents are inferior (in which case we can claim "manifest destiny" or b)we are inferior (in which case you should not live in a poorly defended land... move).
Mr. Bush is defending U.S. interests abroad, such as securing oil, handing reconstruction contracts to (American) companies, etc. He should be applauded. He's also building a local structure that allows for stronger trade ties and a wider knowledge base in that area. In the long run this might spell the doom of the U.S. economy as Iraq might be in a better position to exploit all of that precious sand, or something. Only history will tell. Until then, Mr. Bush has a fan over here.
Well, how about the "terrorists" that have been found? How've they been treated down at Guantanamo? Who cares? Are these American citizens? We are waiting to confirm the jurisdiction of the military over enemies of state: people who would strike at the heart of America with little concern for innocence. And just what exactly does the President have to do with their treatment? People make him sound like a James Bond villain, down there whenever someone new is admitted because he likes to see them 'broken'.
Having been in the military, I can tell you that the first... no, wait... (counts on fingers)... okay, the sixth thing they pound into your noggin is that you treat prisoners with respect and humanity. I seriously doubt that Bush changed that, owing to how most of us remember the infamous "we were just following ze orders" defense former Nazis tried.
Immigration: Okay, this one is tough. Why? Because there is simply no way of knowing how it will all play out. You can suggest and point to graphs, but human behavior is incredibly unpredictable. Also, Mexico's situation might change enough to discourage emmigration. Or Columbia might be the new hot spot to immigrate to. So, right now, you can be for or against Bush on this topic, but it means very little about whether he's good, bad, or just ugly.
But I'll try to defend Bush's position anyway, because I'm for immigration. If I'm right about amnesty (not giving them U.S. citizenship, but not sending them away), then this is another good plan. Why? Because America needs cheap labor. Uneducated labor that is currently done by the overqualified. Owing to the state of our education system, these jobs are held by either those in high school or high school dropouts... but what if those jobs were held by immigrants? What if everyone in an American high school knew that? I think graduation rates would go up, and everyone wins.
Once again Bush is a good president.
Tell you what, I'm done for now, but you can point me to a link, and I'll explain why whatever it is Bush is being accused of is a good thing. Using only info on that site. And my brain.
Then, when confronted, I backed off, stating that he wasn't a bad president.
I'll admit that there are worlds of difference between the two, but let me resume my initial stance:
George W. Bush is a good president.
Some of my audience might accuse me of trying to be controversial (again). Let me assure you that such is not the case. I will back up my statements by pointing and laughing. Oh, and something resembling sanity.
The war in Iraq/every other act of violence during this administration: So far it has been this scenario: People with guns shoot at people with guns. W is down with the fair fighting. Unless you believe either a)the opponents are inferior (in which case we can claim "manifest destiny" or b)we are inferior (in which case you should not live in a poorly defended land... move).
Mr. Bush is defending U.S. interests abroad, such as securing oil, handing reconstruction contracts to (American) companies, etc. He should be applauded. He's also building a local structure that allows for stronger trade ties and a wider knowledge base in that area. In the long run this might spell the doom of the U.S. economy as Iraq might be in a better position to exploit all of that precious sand, or something. Only history will tell. Until then, Mr. Bush has a fan over here.
Well, how about the "terrorists" that have been found? How've they been treated down at Guantanamo? Who cares? Are these American citizens? We are waiting to confirm the jurisdiction of the military over enemies of state: people who would strike at the heart of America with little concern for innocence. And just what exactly does the President have to do with their treatment? People make him sound like a James Bond villain, down there whenever someone new is admitted because he likes to see them 'broken'.
Having been in the military, I can tell you that the first... no, wait... (counts on fingers)... okay, the sixth thing they pound into your noggin is that you treat prisoners with respect and humanity. I seriously doubt that Bush changed that, owing to how most of us remember the infamous "we were just following ze orders" defense former Nazis tried.
Immigration: Okay, this one is tough. Why? Because there is simply no way of knowing how it will all play out. You can suggest and point to graphs, but human behavior is incredibly unpredictable. Also, Mexico's situation might change enough to discourage emmigration. Or Columbia might be the new hot spot to immigrate to. So, right now, you can be for or against Bush on this topic, but it means very little about whether he's good, bad, or just ugly.
But I'll try to defend Bush's position anyway, because I'm for immigration. If I'm right about amnesty (not giving them U.S. citizenship, but not sending them away), then this is another good plan. Why? Because America needs cheap labor. Uneducated labor that is currently done by the overqualified. Owing to the state of our education system, these jobs are held by either those in high school or high school dropouts... but what if those jobs were held by immigrants? What if everyone in an American high school knew that? I think graduation rates would go up, and everyone wins.
Once again Bush is a good president.
Tell you what, I'm done for now, but you can point me to a link, and I'll explain why whatever it is Bush is being accused of is a good thing. Using only info on that site. And my brain.
C-I-C-E-O
Those in the know are aware that I now head a corporation*. These means very little, as the expected income of the corporation is $0. Recently, in my management class, it was revealed that there is a shortage of CEOs, which is what drives the price up. To around $2-3 million (before benefits, such as stock options).
The downsides of being a CEO include:
Working 80 hour weeks. (This usually has a negative impact on family life, or dating.)
Expected to be relieved in 5 years.
Upsides include:
A tremendous amount of money.
An entire company at your mercy, and, in some cases, an industry.
Social responsibilities, including attending parties of the rich and famous. (One could put this under "downsides," but I don't think I will).
Should some company of a profitable nature ask me nicely, I might be willing to step down from my current position in order to attend to their needs.
On the other side of the coin, I'm making other CEOs look bad by working for no money. They should pay me just to keep the average up. I imagine that 2-4 hundred thousand ought to help. Spread out over the bigger companies, that's pretty much a drop in the bucket.
Of course, one could argue that I'm getting 100% of the profits as pay, and I don't think I could successfully argue against that.
My wife has the honor of being our CEE. "What's that," you ask? Why, it's the Chief Executive of Ethics.
*I'm also the Chief Science Officer. We share joint responsibility of CIO, CFO, and E-I-E-I-O.
The downsides of being a CEO include:
Working 80 hour weeks. (This usually has a negative impact on family life, or dating.)
Expected to be relieved in 5 years.
Upsides include:
A tremendous amount of money.
An entire company at your mercy, and, in some cases, an industry.
Social responsibilities, including attending parties of the rich and famous. (One could put this under "downsides," but I don't think I will).
Should some company of a profitable nature ask me nicely, I might be willing to step down from my current position in order to attend to their needs.
On the other side of the coin, I'm making other CEOs look bad by working for no money. They should pay me just to keep the average up. I imagine that 2-4 hundred thousand ought to help. Spread out over the bigger companies, that's pretty much a drop in the bucket.
Of course, one could argue that I'm getting 100% of the profits as pay, and I don't think I could successfully argue against that.
My wife has the honor of being our CEE. "What's that," you ask? Why, it's the Chief Executive of Ethics.
*I'm also the Chief Science Officer. We share joint responsibility of CIO, CFO, and E-I-E-I-O.
04.08.2006
Owie...
Today I picked up a new entertainment center for my living room.
Yeah... then I put it right back down (rimshot!).
Seriously, I managed to con the woman that I was getting it from (for free!) to hoist it down three flights of stairs with me. This involved taking every part that could be removed off (and some that couldn't, but came off anyway) and screaming alot. Also crying.
Now, for most people this would be the bulk of the story... but you've heard that one before.
Bah, I tell you.
Instead, I will tell you that this behemoth took up my entire backseat and half of my front seat. The discomfort I felt getting that beast down the stairs was like a romp in the meadows of youth, coupled with a bath in ambrosia compared to the nightmare of forcing my legs around my gearshift and pressing my chest against the steering column in some ludicrous mockery of clown car gymnastics. Had I 14 or so friends in there, I might have declared myself having juvenile sorts of fun. Haha.
Crushed as I were, with forehead straining the windshield for space, I drove 1/2 a mile before locating someone that might be able to help me.
This woman, whom I know from years ago as co-worker, now assists me in my search for temporary employment. I recently bestowed banana bread upon her and her daughter, and I thought she might be willing to see me as a poor soul in need of aid.
When she saw the compartment that I had driven in she gasped in horror. This is a good indicator that help will be forthcoming.
"You can't drive like that," she said, shocked that I had done so.
"You can't drive like that," she repeated, with a change in tone, turning to look at my tall self.
"You can't drive like that," she finalized, marching me into the spacious offices of "Dolt Temporary Employment".
She handed me old computer cables (which I kept), hoping that they might secure the back of my vehicle, from which she planned to draw forth a portion of the leviathan that resided within.
But then she changed her mind. "Bungies," she declared as if struck by the sharp edge of inspiration," and we wandered about her office finding all manner of things unbungie-like. We did find several rubber bands, but we thought it best to exclude them from the process.
We also found a very tall, dark, ominous, and locked closet. This created quite a stir, as no one could recall having seen the closet before. Keys clattered, and the landlord was called in, who merely scratched her head.
"I don't think I've ever seen this," she announced, wandering off and leaving us to our own devices.
My friend turned to me, asking, "do you know what we could use to get in?"
"Det cord," I offered. She politely declined.
"A sledgehammer?" Again, no.
I followed her to the kitchen area. Yes, the office has a kitchen. A real one. Don't ask me.
She drew out something I had not seen since high school.
An icing spatula.
Let us shower praise upon the inventor of this marvelous tool. It is apparently durable enough to jimmy open a locked closet (kids, do not try this at home).
This closet had become something of a mystical portal for me, into which we might travel and see all manner of mythical creatures in a Lewisian setting with scope and grandeur. Or perhaps some dark place with the steam of the underground roiling past as we unleashed a veritable Box L'Pandora upon the world.
Inside we found about 20 phones, a cash register that is older than any living member of my extended family, and a roll of duck(tm) tape.
Perfect.
A man of great wisdom once said, "if you can't fix it... duck it!"
Words to live by.
We actually taped my car shut. Do not try this at home... we are professionals.
Shortly after arriving home and cleaning everything in sight and cooking dinner 3 men arrived and quickly drew the beast into the home like an intake of breath.
And then it was settled.
"The damage doesn't look as bad from out here."
C-3PO, "Star Wars"
Yeah... then I put it right back down (rimshot!).
Seriously, I managed to con the woman that I was getting it from (for free!) to hoist it down three flights of stairs with me. This involved taking every part that could be removed off (and some that couldn't, but came off anyway) and screaming alot. Also crying.
Now, for most people this would be the bulk of the story... but you've heard that one before.
Bah, I tell you.
Instead, I will tell you that this behemoth took up my entire backseat and half of my front seat. The discomfort I felt getting that beast down the stairs was like a romp in the meadows of youth, coupled with a bath in ambrosia compared to the nightmare of forcing my legs around my gearshift and pressing my chest against the steering column in some ludicrous mockery of clown car gymnastics. Had I 14 or so friends in there, I might have declared myself having juvenile sorts of fun. Haha.
Crushed as I were, with forehead straining the windshield for space, I drove 1/2 a mile before locating someone that might be able to help me.
This woman, whom I know from years ago as co-worker, now assists me in my search for temporary employment. I recently bestowed banana bread upon her and her daughter, and I thought she might be willing to see me as a poor soul in need of aid.
When she saw the compartment that I had driven in she gasped in horror. This is a good indicator that help will be forthcoming.
"You can't drive like that," she said, shocked that I had done so.
"You can't drive like that," she repeated, with a change in tone, turning to look at my tall self.
"You can't drive like that," she finalized, marching me into the spacious offices of "Dolt Temporary Employment".
She handed me old computer cables (which I kept), hoping that they might secure the back of my vehicle, from which she planned to draw forth a portion of the leviathan that resided within.
But then she changed her mind. "Bungies," she declared as if struck by the sharp edge of inspiration," and we wandered about her office finding all manner of things unbungie-like. We did find several rubber bands, but we thought it best to exclude them from the process.
We also found a very tall, dark, ominous, and locked closet. This created quite a stir, as no one could recall having seen the closet before. Keys clattered, and the landlord was called in, who merely scratched her head.
"I don't think I've ever seen this," she announced, wandering off and leaving us to our own devices.
My friend turned to me, asking, "do you know what we could use to get in?"
"Det cord," I offered. She politely declined.
"A sledgehammer?" Again, no.
I followed her to the kitchen area. Yes, the office has a kitchen. A real one. Don't ask me.
She drew out something I had not seen since high school.
An icing spatula.
Let us shower praise upon the inventor of this marvelous tool. It is apparently durable enough to jimmy open a locked closet (kids, do not try this at home).
This closet had become something of a mystical portal for me, into which we might travel and see all manner of mythical creatures in a Lewisian setting with scope and grandeur. Or perhaps some dark place with the steam of the underground roiling past as we unleashed a veritable Box L'Pandora upon the world.
Inside we found about 20 phones, a cash register that is older than any living member of my extended family, and a roll of duck(tm) tape.
Perfect.
A man of great wisdom once said, "if you can't fix it... duck it!"
Words to live by.
We actually taped my car shut. Do not try this at home... we are professionals.
Shortly after arriving home and cleaning everything in sight and cooking dinner 3 men arrived and quickly drew the beast into the home like an intake of breath.
And then it was settled.
"The damage doesn't look as bad from out here."
C-3PO, "Star Wars"
01.08.2006
Vapor Where?
It is that time again... time for another major project due this morning. This one, unlike so many others, was a group project. My group consisted of the following:
a) Lazy Woman
b) Ignorant Man
c & d) Unintelligable Japanese Girls
e) Me. Default Team Leader
LW called me up frequently to make sure that I was doing my work, or coordinating the work of others. This happened every day of this past weekend. Even though she wasn't sending me anything or working on anything. She did prepare her slides, and I am thankful. She also did some research on her topic so that I could write the paper on it.
The others actually wrote theirs.
Ignorant Man proved to just not know his way around project leadership or anything that he'd no exposure to. It turned out okay, once we introduced him to the fundamentals of a remote control for PowerPoint and let him get used to it. His writing was really lively and enjoyable (if poorly spelled).
The Japanese girls will be the focus of the remainder. I once suggested to the Mrs. that I replace their slides with engrish versions just for fun. Just to play with them. I've very glad I did not.
They did that themselves.
The paper was an interesting exercise in determining intent and correcting spelling while trying to maintain the original feel. I sympathize with my wife (the editor) to a great extent right now.
The really interesting event came during the presentation. I passed off the remote to the Americans with no hitch, and the presentations went smooth. Then the Japanese girls got the remote.
After each slide they looked at me. It must've taken me more than a minute to get that they were looking for approval. Some sign that they were doing well. And they were looking at me. I didn't volunteer for the leader position, and this part of it totally took me by surprise. I smiled and nodded during the remainder of the discussion something like once every 1.25 minutes.
I kinda liked it.
a) Lazy Woman
b) Ignorant Man
c & d) Unintelligable Japanese Girls
e) Me. Default Team Leader
LW called me up frequently to make sure that I was doing my work, or coordinating the work of others. This happened every day of this past weekend. Even though she wasn't sending me anything or working on anything. She did prepare her slides, and I am thankful. She also did some research on her topic so that I could write the paper on it.
The others actually wrote theirs.
Ignorant Man proved to just not know his way around project leadership or anything that he'd no exposure to. It turned out okay, once we introduced him to the fundamentals of a remote control for PowerPoint and let him get used to it. His writing was really lively and enjoyable (if poorly spelled).
The Japanese girls will be the focus of the remainder. I once suggested to the Mrs. that I replace their slides with engrish versions just for fun. Just to play with them. I've very glad I did not.
They did that themselves.
The paper was an interesting exercise in determining intent and correcting spelling while trying to maintain the original feel. I sympathize with my wife (the editor) to a great extent right now.
The really interesting event came during the presentation. I passed off the remote to the Americans with no hitch, and the presentations went smooth. Then the Japanese girls got the remote.
After each slide they looked at me. It must've taken me more than a minute to get that they were looking for approval. Some sign that they were doing well. And they were looking at me. I didn't volunteer for the leader position, and this part of it totally took me by surprise. I smiled and nodded during the remainder of the discussion something like once every 1.25 minutes.
I kinda liked it.
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