In the colloseum

Storytime at the local library. It's a time when children and, mainly, mothers gather to hear a themed story, do a craft, and possibly catch some performance art. And then there's me.

I come for the above reasons, sure, but I'm also just about ready to jump up and run the show. The woman is good, but I just see the stage and want to get up there.

Today, the theme was physical affection. The books were "Kiss Kiss" and "Everybody likes to Cuddle" - I don't know the authors.

"Kiss Kiss" is the story of a young hippo that leaves without kissing his mother goodbye and hears all of the other animals of the wild smooching until he finally opens the door and sees his friend, trapped in the body of his dead fiance.

Or something.

I liked "Everybody Likes to Cuddle." It describes the various animals (mammals, mainly) that cuddle. "Bears give great big cuddles!" "Dolphins can't cuddle, because nobody loves them!" and various others.

And then we get to porcupines.

"Porcupines have to cuddle verrry carefully, because... why? What do porcupines have?"

And from the back of the room, perhaps from about where I was sitting, a fairly masculine voice said:

"Herpes!"

I'm going to hell.