Pee on Fire

Alright, that one sounds like I'm introducing V.D. as a topic, but such is not the case. It's far worse.

A few weeks back my son came home from a visit with his [ahem, cough, cough] mother, and said little of the trip. This isn't unusual. They are long, boring trips during which he usually grabs some fast food for lunch and maybe a snack before getting home... or dinner since she hates for us to eat as a family or something.

A few days pass and he reveals that he had to go to the bathroom during the trip, and Satan explained that they couldn't stop, asking if he could hold it. "I don't think so," he responds. What's a woman to do? She's miles from nowhere with her cop husband in the car (so they can't stop and water the local plantlife), but she does have a fast food cup, or something, in the car.

"Pee in this," she offers him the container.

And he does it.

This isn't the first time that he's claimed that this has happened, and sometimes I don't give as much weight to his statements as perhaps I should. He's generally honest, but he does try to push emotional buttons sometimes with statements that are patently false.

But this one isn't outside of the character of Satan as I know her... because I knew Skippy.

This dates back to when I first met Satan. She was on a street corner (yes! Fine! I admit it!) hawking homemade jewelry to the denizens of Five Points for Skippy. She was living with this guy, and had been for a couple of months, as her family had dropped her off and not come back for her.

Yes, there are big clues as to why I shouldn't have even looked at her in the above paragraph. Hindsight and all...

Anyway, when she moved in with me, she felt she needed to gather her earthly belongings from Skippy's place, and asked that I come along to protect and serve. So I did.

Skippy's place, an apartment in the seedier side of South Side lacked in clean what it made up for in... aww hell. The place was a dump. Cockroaches skittered like damned souls over the groutwork. Where there should have been a toilet there was just a smoking hole. Which was okay by Skippy, as he never went in there.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Skippy was of the belief that, in order to get into heaven, you had to have everything on you that you possessed in life. Including things that passed through you. Jars of urine and poop lined his walls, as well as shoe boxes full of fingernail clippings and hair. And there was only one surface that could possibly have been slept on. Everything else was covered with crap.

And Satan had lived with this guy for months. I wanted to claw my eyes out within 2 minutes. Or at least fill my nostrils with molten lead.

So, given this element of the past, it's not impossible that Satan picked up a fairly casual attitude toward this.