'sfunny

I got really upset today. At my wife.

She sat there and gave me the words to hang myself with, knowing full well that I was scared of losing her and was likely to say whatever she seemed to want to hear. And she gutted me like a fish. Not even a particularly pleasant fish, for doing what she expected.

And now she's left me for it. Funny that a linguist and a geek are having communications issues, but that's mostly what it boils down to.

I think.

P.S. Her therapist recently suggested that maybe all of this wasn't that big a deal. When she mentioned this to me I drew in a breath and started praising Jesus. I swear it was like that kind of moment when people recognize the spirituality in the world and how beautiful it is.

And then she concluded with "are you frickin' crazy?" (directed at the therapist).

So, let's go over what I understand to be the issues:
Porn: I like naked female flesh, and my wife wasn't available for this. Actually, this one goes a bit deeper. She was/is in pain constantly. Try living with that. From the outside. You can't touch your spouse without feeling guilty. You can't kiss without wondering what misery you're adding to her life. Sex is really not an option. And yet, you are a human being. You have needs that enter that realm. The LDS church considers masturbation to be the source of hairy palms (or something. I'm not a big fan of the current president mostly for his stance regarding masturbation. The best argument any member of the church has is "one day you'll see we're right! Look at tobacco and alcohol... bad for you. This is the same way.")

Lying: This one is a little more complex, but I'd ask anyone that was interested in resolving this to think about one thing: motive.

I think religion is pretty central to her concerns, and I don't think that I'm getting her back. The best I can hope for is a slightly amicable parting. Still, I can dream...