Sheet music

Last night I called the piano store asking for our cover, which has been more than a month suffering repair on a nick. The woman on the other end told me that the boss, the head honcho, numero uno would be in any second. I left a message (sigh) and went about my life.

No reply.

I called today, left another message (this one with a machine), and figured I'd have to employ a special ops team to rescue my piano cover from a dark holding cell where they were doing unspeakable things to it with electricity and varnish.

20 minutes later I got a return phone call.

On the other end a reformed chain-smoker told me that the blew a tire on the way out. But I'd heard about that. Not enough.

His partner had a heartattack, true story >smirk<. They were driving through Nebraska in the middle of no where (redundant) when his associate reached up and clutched his chest (you figure out whose) and started gasping about pain. Mr. Man makes for his cell phone and tells the operator that he's going to meet the ambulance on the highway, heading for the hospital. If he hadn't acted quickly that man could've died.

>crickets chirp<

"Oh, hey. Your piano cover caught fire, so it's down in the shop for a few more repairs. It'll be to you on Monday."

If I had a dog, I'd've kicked it. To Australia.

"See, we were driving down the road, before the heartattack, when these guys in a truck drove past us and threw a cigarette in the back of my truck, and blanket back there caught fire, which was on top of your cover. It's not real bad."

I was so stunned that I didn't bother to ask what the hell made them drag my piano cover out to Chicago instead of dropping it off at my house on the way. The mind boggles at what the man could've come up with.

"Well, it turns out there's a rare imprint on the back of your cover, which means that it might've been owned by Catherine the Great and have gold lined hammers designed by Faberge. That explains the weight... and we have to know if you own a historical piece."

And I'm not getting a discount.